I got an email from someone who has been reading the blog. He was looking for advise on how to communicate his desire to wear diapers to his wife of four years. They have been married for four years, and recently welcomed their second bundle of joy into the world. We’ve only communicated over the one email, but I can see similarities in our stories.
When I dated, proposed, and eventually married my wife I had hoped that diapers would go into the background, and disappear with my marriage. Not surprising for those ABDLs out there, but it didn’t go away. It took levels of “eb and flow” in various phases of the beginning of our life together, but that is really what it did as I grew up. I really had hoped that I wouldn’t need them anymore. Perhaps that’s a post for another time.
With a bit of hesitation I thought it would be a good idea to ask my wife what she thought. What pointers would she give someone who was looking to tell a spouse who likely didn’t know that anything like this was coming. Her response was timing.
Timing with where the couple was in life. This is the one that I immediately thought about myself, but I worded it in a different way. My thought was making sure that this ABDL and their spouse were on a solid foundation in all the various aspects of their life.
- Communication: It is so important that you be able to communicate with each other openly and honestly to ensure the best chance of a constructive conversation.
- Religion/Spirituality: If you are religiously founded, make sure that you are being brilliant in the basics. If you meditate, make sure it is happening. If you pray, find time to pray together and while you are alone. Focus on study that will help you find strength in who you are.
Timing with the other things happening in their lives. This was something that my wife brought up that may be pertinent to your situation. If you have children at home that are in diapers, she recommends you consider the timing of sharing your ABDL side because if your wife is already dealing with diapers, she may not want more of them in her life. Remember that everyone’s situation is different.
Even when you think things are on point, they might not be.
When I began having this conversation with my wife I thought we were in a solid place. The conversation started well, but as I asked questions and tried to find more information to share with this post things began to take a turn. While our conversation wasn’t about us specifically, or anything in particular, it began to rub my wife the wrong way. The hesitation that I felt was suddenly validified.
I had hoped to help someone else by providing some perspective into our story, and it somewhat blew up in my face. While thinking about what happened last night I realized that the advice I was looking to give to someone else is something that I needed also. My biggest “gotcha” was that I thought I was in a solid place to have the conversation. It only heightened my aprehnsion to communicate anything diaper-related with my wife. I’m trying to not let it grind on me too much, but things have been good for a while and I guess it was time for a step back in progress. This has come on the back of a bit of shame and introspection I’ve been going through for about a week. It has just made me even more self-conscious and worried that I’m making the right decisions.
Bottom-line, be careful littles. This is a very sensitive subject and dance that we maneuver. I worry to this day that talking with my wife was the right thing to do, but I know that I’ve changed so much about who I am in the last year because of the conversations I’ve had, the blog I’ve written, and the friends that I’ve made in this community.