Littles, Adult Babies, and Diaper Lovers struggle so much of their lives trying to understand themselves. We constantly make mountains out of molehills in our own minds. We punish ourselves for what we feel, and fight to suppress what is going on inside of us. We know it is not “normal” and are working to find our place. At times things we think are HUGE are very little in reality, and other times something we don’t put a lot of worry into is HUGE to those that we love.
What we perceive as big…
“The more I understand that about myself, the more I have been able to be “okay” with wearing as I see the real and tangible purpose they can serve me. It is never just black and white and I wear for a myriad of emotions and feelings, which is not the easiest thing to explain to my wife. Also, that I’m not just wearing when one particular part of my life is out of whack. She recently asked me why I was wearing, because we were doing awesome as a couple. I told her it didn’t have anything to do with her, but other parts of my life. I hope it was eye-opening for her because it was for me.”
Revealing printed adult diapers to my wife, and having it not be a big deal was not something that I had anticipated. I was worried about it because they make me smile (and little), and I worried about the million things that she MIGHT be thinking about me, but in reality it was a non-issue. She has since made little comments about the prints, which helps reinforce to me that printed diapers are something that is NOT big, but very little.
A fellow ABDL recently reached out to me about the opportunity he had about going into a brick and mortar store that sells various adult baby and diaper lover products. He was so worried about going in and picking up a few diapers. He relayed to me how great the clerk was in the interaction, and compared it to how he dreamed it would ideally go. To that shopkeeper, well done for helping something that was so big in his mind to be something so little in reality.
What is little (to us)..
To most ABDLs diapers are just a slice of who we are. A small part of the whole person that is represented in the world. We want to share our affinity, desire, pull, want, wish, or whatever you feel about diapers with the ones that we love so they can hopefully understand and embrace us. We want nothing more than to be able to verbalize, share, and open up about who we are. It is hard being little. So many of us see this as such a small part of our lives, but to those we love and anyone not exposed to ABDL it can be a very BIG thing.
That becomes the hardest part for us; how to coordinate that conversation and dance (or should we even do it?!). So much of us is embarrassed and ashamed of ourselves and what is inside, that the thought of being able to have the conversation with someone we love (in fear of rejection, after all we shame and reject ourselves so much) often seems TOO much.
Another example is the crinkle factor. Many ABDLs enjoy the sound a diaper makes, but we understand that suppressing that sound is part of wearing in public. Some of us see this as a very BIG thing (when in reality I don’t think that many people notice or would engage even if they did hear something), but in my case lately I do not find crinkle to be a big thing when relating anxiety around public wearing. I realized that it was a bigger concern to my wife the first time I work in public and she knew I was wearing. I could feel it, and I know that her concern was for me. She is worried about what people will think about me if they knew or discovered it. Just another moment where communication is key. We discuss things, and work hard to be on the same page as much as possible and I think that has helped us out in many, many ways.
It will just go away, right?!
In my own life I had decided that I would just throw diapers away when I got married, and hope they never surfaced again. They eventually came back, and to the credit of my amazing wife, our journey has been great so far. Not a journey without bumps or hurdles, but we are figuring things out together.
Some of what makes me little is a big thing to her, but we continue to work on it.
To those loved ones of littles, please be open and try to understand. All too often we don’t understand ourselves and vocalizing and sharing with you may be the FIRST time that we have said the words “I like to wear diapers” out loud.