Unacceptable, that’s how I felt after the previous conversations with my wife.
How could I want to to wear a diaper when I can see what it caused to happen with my wife?
I feel that I am unacceptable in how I feel for wanting to take the pivot I did in the last two years to accept diapers as something positive in my life. Something that I could use to make myself a better person through stress management, and accepting part of who I am.
The past weeks have set me back mentally a LONG way. I need to process what I’m feeling, and allow time to work for myself and my wife.
I have pushed myself to purge again. Something I said I would never do again. Purge anything that allowed my little side out. Diapers, PJs, and many other little things that I’ve noticed since decided to do so that took me to a place where I felt “little.” These feelings were not necessarily HUGE, but something that nudged me in a little way to peace, comfort, and a better me.
I know it will hurt, but I don’t know what else to do right now because I don’t want my wife to hurt.