How we view problems, and then how we choose to attack them speaks volumes about who we are. Thomas Edison is attributed with saying, “I didn’t fail. I just found 2,000 ways not to make a lightbulb. I only needed to find one way to make it work.”
When we are able to recognize problems as powerful opportunities for learning and for improvement it will change our lives. The change from reactionary problem solving to proactive problem solving brings about responsibility-based leadership. We begin to have a desire to take real ownership over the problems that directly and indirectly affect us.
In my primary profession I find myself, with a few others, in front of a number of teams where we help guide them through current concerns in the work environment. During these sessions we share with them that in problem solving efforts do not solely come with a problem or concern, but we must bring insight and a proposed solution to the problem. In that mindset, ownership already begins to occur.
We must take that same ownership with our desire to wear diapers. We all make different choices of how and when we wear, and have various levels of wearing that can be impacted and influenced by our living arrangement and family lives. At the root of our affinity to wear diapers is the need for us to take ownership of our wearing. Early on in life I was more reactionary to diapers, and felt it only a burden that was placed upon me. Over many, many years I found a way to change that mindset to stand proud in my diapers. I have found peace in taking ownership in my life in diapers.
There is a difference between facts and data. Facts are proved to be true based on evidence and data. We must scrutinize the data we have and make sure that it is contextually accurate where it can support the fact. Where do we find facts, and data to support it?
This japanese term meaning “the actual place” is where we must go to learn what is actually going on. There are many actuals regarding the GEMBA that help us gain context and understanding of a situation. I share these in relation to conversations that occur between ABDLs and their loved ones. Think of where you are in that conversation and how the actuals of the GEMBA would help shape your thought process as you work with the ABDLs life in diapers.
Go See/The Place (Hear, Touch, Sense) – One of the biggest moments for me in “putting myself out there” was the moment I chose to stand in front of my wife while only wearing a diaper. I have found that this moment was uncomfortable for my wife, but in that moment I was able to share part of who I am and have the courage and space to do so. It was not easy, but I appreciate her ability to stand in that moment with me and allow me to grow.
Conditions (What, When How) – Making space for conversation is huge in the progression of any ABDL. So much of my mindset and perspective of myself in diapers changed when I was able to speak out loud to someone else and say “I like to wear diapers.” Finding ways to have conversations about this topic will help the little/ABDL learn about themselves while the spouse is able to gain insight in how they think about it.
Show Respect (SMEs/Capabilities) – It is often very hard for spouses to listen and learn about the desires and attractions to diapers that ABDLs have. Please allow the space for them to explain themselves. All too often we are voicing these things for the first time, and are learning ourselves. It is something we have lived with our entire lives, and are trying to find a way to live with them as part of our lives.
Should (The established standard or anticipated outcome) – This is a powerful space. You and your ABDL are creating this. There is the “standard” that is a cookie cutter concept that no relationship ever lives within. We have the opportunity and the space to create a wonderful and beautiful standard of our own relationship that we can grow and prosper in.
A pivotal question we must ask in the problem solving process is: Does my problem have an impact? Does it matter? Modifying this question to our own lives and relationships we must use the same questions to help us gain context in what is in front of us, and the impact it has. This becomes a time to learn and gather. When your spouse, friend, or loved one comes to you regarding their desire to wear diapers please listen. Please take that moment, that space between stimulus and response to remember the person they are. Diapers are part of who they are, but they are also so much more.