My first memory

I’m not saying the very first thing I remember in life was me wearing a diaper. Nor wanting to put one on.  I do not believe I have a memory that far back in life. My very, very first memory I can recall is staring into a mirror at my first home.  I remember browns and tans (couch/carpet I think), and me staring back at myself. Perhaps my mother in the background (just her voice), but that is it. No other context.

One of the next, and earliest memories that I can recall finds myself sitting on my floor in my bedroom. (with what I remember being a mirror.  There may have not been a mirror, but I remember a third-person perspective to what was occurring.). Friends or children of my parent’s friends had been over that day and a dull pink diaper from a baby doll was left in my room after they had went home.  Using that diaper on the floor of my room is my earliest memory of wearing a diaper. I wore it as well as one could for it being much too small for me (A pattern that would persist for some time into the future.  I’m sure many others can relate. We begged and borrowed for our first diapers.) For this reason, this experience, I associate this part of me to be woven deep into who I am. Is there something that caused this to be thread into me at such an early time, or is it something that I have had with me the entirety of my existence on earth?

The more I learn of other adult babies’ experiences, the more common this story becomes. We often look for abuse or some other forceful reason for the imprint of diapers or the search for comfort with a Transitional Object. I have heard it said over and over that this was something they had from the earliest memories that they posses. There are cases of abuse and neglect where coping with a Transitional Object, such as a diaper, will occur. I do not want to leave those voices to be left unheard, as they are just as valid. They yearn for the same comfort and security that I do by taping myself into a diaper. Even after a full day of juggling many, many different things there is comfort in setting aside some time for me to put on a diaper and continue to work while unwinding. I feel peace and serenity in this quiet moment as I monitor a few tasks waiting to complete so I can retire from my work for the day.

If you feel comfortable sharing, please chime in with a comment to help us know when you first remember wanting to wear a diaper. I would love to hear from you to know if you share my origin story, or if some other means brought you to diapers.

Next Post – A few more early memories

Photo by Jenna Hamra from Pexels

8 thoughts on “My first memory

  1. Well written blog, I think most ABDL could relate, I remember wanting to regress from as young as 10 years old, wasn’t lucky enough to have access to diapers as I was the youngest in the family. I remember making diapers out of a towel and plastic bag just to try and experience what I was drawn to deep inside. It’s a hard thing to come to terms with. Hope writing your blog is helping


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