I took some time out of my morning to read through one of the books that I’ve purchased. Coffee With Rosie, written by Rosalie Bent, is a short book written for the loves ones/spouses of Adult Babies. It is meant to help them with the conversations that haven’t happened yet, are currently happening, or have happened with their spouse regarding diaper wearing. The book is broken up into seven, consumable conversations as if you were sitting down for coffee with Rosalie. These are my thoughts as I read, and connections with my own journey.
Below are my initial reactions and thoughts from reading the book. I did not want to post a comprehensive summary of the book because I wanted you to be able to have the initial reaction to the read like I did. I would encourge you to pick it up digitally or via Amazon, and give it a read whether you are the ABDL or the loved one/spouse. Then once you have finished it, begin the process of finding how to share it with them and then let them read it. I recently shared my copy with my wife, and am waiting for the subsquent conversations we will have after she finishes it. My hope will be another post either by her, or with her point of view to share the other side of my journey.
Coffee #1 – I know this book wasn’t written for me. My hope was to gain insight in preparation should my spouse be open and willing to read it. While reading coffee number one I was presented with items that I completely resonated with. This past few weeks as I have reached out online for more than the most rudimentary understanding of what I was, or why I was feeling the way that I was I have been able to find out that many of our stories are the same. My first memory sounds so much like the other stories that I’ve heard. This thing (what do you call it? So many of the terms for it, I fell, don’t properly fit due to the associated connotation. I’ve begun thinking of it as a lifestyle, as it is part of who I am.) has always been part of who I am. I appreciate it being presented that way to other ABDL’s loved ones. Nicely done.
The various emotions that are covered for the spouse are appropriate. I was on the receiving end of that, and it is nice for them to hear that the emotions they feel are expected and completely validated. It will help them either cope with them or prepare for them as they have these conversations.
Coffee #2 – Describing the emotion of bad/depressed also resonated with me. Being the one hearing this from you spouse hurts, as diapers are not meant to replace anything that she is or is not providing to our relationship. I wanted them much, much before I met her, and in many ways she fills those needs on a daily basis. She is my comfort in so many ways!
So many times I have gone through the cycle of “it will go away” or when X thing happens in my life it will not be an issue any more. I think every ABDL experiences this, and hopes that it happens. What I’ve found, and it is echoed in this book is that we all have to find acceptance and understanding within ourselves, just as our partners will in their journey to understand and accept us. Most, if not all, ABDLs have tried to stop wearing at some point in their lives, usually for a reason other than themselves.
Coffee #3 – This is the first part of the book where I vary from the “norm” being established. I have found that while very scary, I want to talk about it. I want to work through it, and find commonality. I want her to understand as much as I want to comprehend it myself. My biggest concern is not “fire hosing” her and constantly talking about. I am presently doing the exact opposite, which has been very hard. This blog and the online community has been my outlet as I have began talking through things. Having a plan, structure, and action items are vital in any conversation. This one is no different.
Coffee #4 – Diapers filling a need was an interesting point, as I have done so professionally. I do not use them every time in this situation, but I have used them in a professional setting to fill the need of relief when it is not feasible or possible.
Learning that diapers are intrinsically part of who I am has been the biggest learning opportunity for me in the past few weeks. Accepting that has given me a new lens to look through, something I didn’t have for the last 30 years. I was too focused on other aspects of it that brought immediate shame and binge/purge cycles. The biggest learning moment for me in this section was that the level of difficulty for both parties is the same. Believe and understand that both struggles are real, and valid.
Disassociating the sexual side of diapers is fairly involved and individual for every ABDL. I have explained it similar to the author where my association and desire for diapers/regression came much, much before there was any sexual connection to it. Puberty does a number on us all, and it is an added factor for any Teen Baby that is trying to figure themselves out in so many other ways. Diapers just muddies the waters even more.
Coffee #5 – I have always considered myself a Diaper Lover, and a bit too grown up for this dress up thing they call Adult Babies. Then the last few weeks happened, and I realized that it was probably because I didn’t have anyone to baby me or share it with me. There was a small moment that I experienced recently that taught me so many things about this process. I am so nervous to post it, as it is at the heart of my change in the recent past. In short, I may have a little “little” in me, and I’m cautiously, nervously, excited to see if there is anything there. I don’t understand it, but with a loving spouse I am willing to figure it out.
A small part of this section connects with my wife so much. I think this section will give her some comfort, connection, and hopefully answers.
I really like the concept as AB space as a place to visit, a place to fill a need or scratch an itch. It definitely feels that way to me. I shared with my wife my understanding in that moment as we were talking about why I was the way that I was. I told her that something that may be true, and I still think there is validity there, is that I am constantly running things and in charge of things. I manage many projects, organizations, a few businesses, and whatever ad-hoc adventure life throws at me. In short, I like having the reins, and being involved in decision-making and control. Perhaps, just maybe, my little side wants to come out and play to balance that out. I want to be cared for, in a simple, loving way. I want to let go of what I am in the middle of all too often to be “babied” or treated with such a simple and pure love that childish euphoria and giddiness has a place to exist. I want that, just typing it now makes me want to go to that space, and I hope that we can find a path to get us there.
Coffee #6 – A powerful message about creating the space for healthy living inside your relationship. If not, it will be searched for elsewhere and that is a huge recipe for disaster in any marriage/relationship. This is also a highly guarded secret, and exposing it to other people just opens the door for problems. The idea of sharing this outside of your partner or a doctor is Pandora’s Box. Once out, you can never recover. I know of someone who’s little side was exposed during his divorce. I heard about it third-party when people were discussing it, and I cannot fathom the feeling he has gone through because of that. I have wanted to reach out over and over, but don’t know if it is possible for the same reasons. This is a highly guarded part of any ABDL’s live.
Working hard to find a space for this in your relationship will create the biggest opportunity for success, and continual growth in your relationship. It is an intriguing thought to consider that diapers could actually bring you to a stronger, better place in your marriage.
I keep hearing about having a plan “b” as damage control should something occur. I haven’t considered this, but it comes up enough that one may have to get created.
Coffee #7 – This is very scary to me. I bore my soul, learned so much about myself, and now I have to wait. I’m not great at that! I am working hard to not be in her face about everything. The next step is hers to take. I have to honor and respect that. Then work to share the burden of effort and the elation from outcomes. The work is in the work, and to leverage Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, create a win-win. Create something together that is not compromise, but something much sweeter, a plan where both parties will succeed.
I recommend this book for both ABDLs and their spouses. I read it first to make sure this is something I wanted to hand to my wife. I feel Rosalie presents the information in a casual, non-threatening way that will help our loved ones gain some insight and comfort that they are not alone, and either is their loved one that wants to wear diapers. This is a very quick read, and empowers both sides for the next conversation they will have. A good icebreaker book into the world of ABDL. Please click on the link at the top of the post to go to Rosalie’s website directly to purchase the book. This book, and others written by her and her Adult Baby, are also available on Amazon.