So I did it. I’ve been joking about getting a stuffie for a while now, but never with any real ambition or seriousness. I think it was always outside of what I thought I would experiment with as a little. Very similar to how I felt about a pacifier for a long time. It was purchased on a whim, and more of a curiosity.
Then it showed up, and I had to commit to actually taking it out of the box. After it was out of the box I was again presented with nerves and anxiety as I was asking myself to publically put a “little” bit of myself out there. This would be out in public view, and not tucked away in a box when I was not wearing. Not only was this a fairly large teddy bear, but it was wearing a onesie hoodie with childish prints on it. It would be a bit harder to explain away why It was in my room.
I looked around my room I dialed in on two places. On top of my dresser over in the corner of my room, or on my bed by our pillows. I stirred up a bit of courage, or calmed bit of anxiety, and nestled this oversized carnival prize at the head of our bed.
I went into the family room, and let my wife know there was a big teddy bear on our bed, so it wouldn’t catch her off guard. That evening most of us were back in our room, and it got a few looks. My daughter first asked if she could have it, and tried to claim it as her own after noticing it was wearing a onesie. The kids didn’t bother much with the fact that there was a kid’s toy in their parent’s bed. The most interesting thing about that night was that it was my wife that was defending the bear on our bed.
The following day in the evening my son also asked about it, and that it looked like a baby. Again, without me saying a word, my wife talked to my son. She asked if he liked stuffed animals, which he VERY much does. When he answered in the affirmative she said, “well where do you think you get it from?”
Twice, without any prep or asking, my wife came to my “rescue” and offered what I felt was additional acceptance of who I am. It was not my intention, nor the purpose of the purchase, to have this inanimate object help me further grow acceptance with my spouse but I think it may have served that purpose.
I haven’t had time to cuddle or make time for it, so it just sits on the bed. I’ve already had returns that were completely unexpected so who knows what this fuzzy creature will do for me.