Not really a book review.. The Midnight Library – The choices we make

Audible recommended a book to me recently after finishing up Project Hail Mary with my kiddos called “The Midnight Library.”  It sounded interesting enough so I downloaded it and began giving it a listen.  It is a shorter book so I figured it would be fairly easy to get through, and not lose track of (which happens while I’m working at home, and have less time to listen to audiobooks).  What I didn’t expect was the takeaway I started getting about half way through the book regarding choices.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig follows the life, or lack thereof, of Nora.  An olympic swimmer, rockstar, animal advocate, and so much more all wrapped up into one package of a woman.  In the beginning of the book she is none of these things, and through the course of the book she works through the different decisions that could have been based on her choices.

We all are presented with thousands of choices.  Some are big, and some seem rather small and insignificant.  I’ve spoken on the concept of the Butterfly Effect to groups in the past, and this started to weave in that kind of thinking.  The concept of the Butterfly Effect is that in chaos theory that one small change introduced into a system can provide drastic change to outcomes.             This does provide the door to be opened to over analyzation of every decision we make so I don’t recommend descending too far down the rabbit hole.  

What does this have to do with diapers, and an adult that chooses to wear them outside the forced need of incontinence?

I made a series of choices over the course of three decades regarding diapers that stunted my growth as a person, but at the same time directed me to the life that I am currently living.  I do not regret my choices, and I appreciate the ending/morale of the book because of how it ties things together for me and some of my decisions.  

While dealing with diapers growing up I made many decisions to hide them from the world, and even myself.  Binge/Purge would happen regularly as I passed through High School, College, a mission for my church, and then dating my wife.  I had the assumption that upon marriage the burden of diapers would be somehow lifted from me.  I think my thought process must have been built upon their replacement by a wife and family.  There would be so many other things in my life that I either wouldn’t have time for diapers or wouldn’t want them anymore.

Predictably enough they didn’t magically go away with marriage.  This was a choice where now I was married to someone and hadn’t shared my affinity to wear diapers with them.  This was not a malicious or devious choice, but a naive one where I truly felt they would be a nonissue after such a momentous life change.  That was a decision that I made which changed my dating and early marriage life. 

“Doing one thing differently is often the same as doing everything differently.”

My wife, who is an amazing person, has told me in our many diaper-related conversations that she doesn’t know if she would have been able to handle the discovery of adult diapers in her dating life.  My choice to not tell her may have kept me dating her and resulting in a drastic course deviation in my life.  

“The only way to learn is to live.”

Again my wife is amazing, and we are working together hard as I continue to discover who I am in diapers.  It seems less like a firehose of change a few years into our initial conversations, but the more I allow myself to accept diapers as part of who I am the more I find out about myself.  We now have stepped into the dark together, and are learning as a couple how to best manage diapers as part of our lives.  It is not just part of my life now.  My choice to wear a diaper causes a ripple with the potential to affect my wife’s and children’s lives.

We must lay a foundation of trust

Sharing diapers with my wife has been successful, in my and her opinion, because we had laid a solid foundation in our lives to stand on prior to the beginning of these conversations.  These building blocks of a marriage help us when the trials of life appear (planned and unplanned), and I appreciate all the work we had done prior to my decision to share my padded self with her.  When looking for a reference to earlier posts in laying this foundation I found many, many results that I want to go back and read myself.  Here are a few of the results:

If our life is rotten, no padding will fix it.  We must lay a foundation in which they can help us.  Work to make them a tool, and not a band-aid in your own lives.  Diapers must assist us, and not own our lives and decision-making processes.  Every life and relationship is different.  You must evaluate yourself today to find out where you (and your spouse) are before effective choices can lead to long term success.  Our story is a success (in our eyes) because of continued trust, communication, and course correction when needed.

The British cycling team once took on the mentality that they would be “one percent better” and I hope that we can all find way to do that.  Find that one thing and turn the dial a little bit.

Don’t spend your life sitting in your own Midnight Library “mourn(ing) the lives that we are not living” and get out there and live the best life you can!

Your best padded life possible!


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