What it felt like in the beginning

While talking with a diaper lover recently he asked me about what diapers feel like for me.  What emotions they evoke, and how I was able to separate arousal from the comfort need to wear them.  I hadn’t put a lot of thought down memory lane for some time in relation to my first adult diaper experiences, but the afternoon after receiving these messages my mind went back to the first time I found an adult diaper.  I was shocked, mesmerized, and generally surprised to find a diaper that was made to fit my size.

I had gone a few rounds through my early childhood with coming across a baby diaper, and pretending it fit or using tape to make it fit.  These attempts to wear a diaper again were pale in comparison to taping on this Depend, six-tape adult brief.  I remember the place and the bathroom where these emotions came.  I can only describe this emotion, and flutter in my chest, as curiosity.  Caution excitement for a connection for something I felt was missing.  A connection to emotion that I wasn’t able to provide myself with the other “tools” available in my life.  Even as I type this I can feel the recall of that emotion in my chest.  These experiences happened early in my teenage years, and I feel that because of my age I also had a strong, sexual arousal correlation with wearing.  I think the emotions became blurred or mixed, and the good feelings attached themselves to diapers or the act of wearing.  

This feeling persisted with most of my wearing until I was married.  I believe it is because I did not wear very often, and when I did it was exciting.  The brief moments of elation and escape were euphoric.  It wasn’t until after I told my wife the first time that I liked to wear diapers that I attained the ability to begin to separate the emotions surrounding my desire to wear diapers.  My deeper needs and wants surrounding wearing began to focus on comfort, safety, security, and escape from the stressors of life that can take over our consciousness all too often.

Through that realization I was also able to begin to separate out what sexual connection I have with diapers.  For me, diapers have a sexual connection, but it is not my primary driver for wanting to wear.  I’m actually not sure of the extent of that connection because I haven’t been able to share those feelings with my wife.  My biggest success has been able to wear with the purpose of comfort, and have them completely serve that purpose.  

I told my friend that I hope that I can remove the pain and shame of the first steps of diaper wearing, but I’m learning that it might be a vital part of the journey as each of us find our own “why” behind wearing and our emotional connections with wearing.  This is probably why I have seen growth of realization and recognition of my little side in the past year.  I’m allowing that side of me to exist, and when it does I work to comprehend what I’m experiencing.  

My hope is that we can help each other avoid stumbling blocks while we learn and grow.  So much of what we experience is the same, but there are also so many variations and differences in our experiences that I am convinced that no two adult babies are alike.  Our similarities bring us together, but our differences make us unique.

You are a unicorn

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s