Why would anyone in their right mind want to wear a diaper in public? Well okay, why would anyone in their right mind CHOOSE to wear a diaper voluntarily, period?! So many times I have asked myself that kind of question without really having the answer within grasp.
Yes, I wear diapers, and yes I wear them in public. They are worn under clothes to not be revealing. I do not wear them with the purpose of having someone else notice me. I wear them for selfish reasons. I wear them because they help me. They comfort and dial in me when I need them to. Each of us wears for different reasons, and frequencies. My wearing is geared around stress and the need for some comfort from everything I have going on in life. The balance they bring help me weather the storms I find myself in.
This need does not only exist within the walls of my home. Quite the opposite. I find myself running large events, and the desire to wear then is present. They help me focus and stay on task. To the point that it frustrates me at times. I have been avoiding wearing because I don’t want to have to rely on them. (yes, I’m back to struggling with myself wearing). I know that they will work, and that doesn’t make it any easier to put one on. Sure enough, the comfort washes over me, and I am able to dial in on a day of productivity.
Even right now as I type this message I have been wanting to wear, but not allowing myself. I feel the rub of awkwardness that can exist at home, and it hurts knowing that my decision to wear a diaper is causing that.
My wife worries for me, and that extends to wearing a diaper while in public. She worries for me, but also worries for the fallout she feels that would come to her and my kids if it became public knowledge. I’m not sure what her perception of that fallout would look like, but I know what my own versions look like that I have cycled through my mind over the years of wearing them.
Many ABDLs minimize the actual risk because of their perception of what others would actually think. We think the worst because we are ABDLs, and I think my wife thinks the worst because she knows my “why” behind my wearing. I cannot assume what others would think, and in her defense, planning for the worst is likely the more appropriate course of action.
I have worn in public with my wife, and many times she cannot tell that I’m wearing. I’m not wearing at those times to surprise or hide it from her, but because I wanted to wear that day and felt I could while around her. Her communication of levels of acceptance has varied over time, which has made it very hard for me to gauge when it is okay and when it is not.
Small parts of us want it to be “out there.”
There is definitely part of me that would like the world to know so it wasn’t so aberrant. Most of myself, the logical, socially-accepted mind knows that it would be a selfish and dangerous act to have people know. I think we want people to know while at the same time knowing what a bad idea that would be. What doors would be closed to us if people knew that we wore diapers, and that we chose to do so? What opportunities, church callings, friendships, and professional doors would close to us if the world knew we were an ABDL. Most corporations tout a mentality of acceptance and understanding, but how much are people actually willing to accept us knowing part of us we are often not proud of ourselves.
Wanting to tell a friend
I have even thought about telling my best friend that I associate with in my day-to-day life. The more I think about it the more I realize it would be a selfish act. What would he gain from it? How would it, how could it improve or change our relationship outside the fact I would wear around him? I don’t know if there is anything he would get out of the conversation that would have him stay my friend or strengthen the bond that we have.
Perhaps that is why we have all searched other ABDLs out. First looking for ourselves, and the realization that we are not alone. Then, looking for someone who will listen, and understand. Even further, someone who would be able to hear us out and not cringe at our story and desires. So few of us have the opportunity to have a conversation in-person let alone find someone they would consider a friend who shares the affinity to wear diapers. It is the Internet in its modern form that gives us a platform in which to be able to see each other in the first place. Outside an ABU hat or beanie there are not many clear and distinct signs of someone you are passing by that is a fellow ABDL.
I think there is beauty there. I think we are people, just like everyone else that has “their thing.” Our thing, while the majority of the time harmless to others, is seen in a very different light from a social lens. Just take a bit of comfort knowing that there are others like you in your midst. You don’t know the last time you walked by one, flew with one, or attended a concert, movie, sporting event, or other public gathering while another ABDL was there (maybe even while being padded).
I put this out there not because I have the answer presently, but more to let people know they are not alone in their struggles when it comes to continual, personal acceptance and growth within your relationship with your spouse. Listen and communicate with your spouse as you work out what fits best for your relationship, and keep in mind the struggle they are dealing with. Both parties often feel isolated and alone because of how “out there” a desire to wear diapers as an adult is.