“This isn’t going away, is it?” What a powerful question, and a bit of insight into the mind of my wife. I’m sure the last year hasn’t been easy. My wife and I picked up a conversation about diapers that wasn’t planned, and we covered a lot of topics and emotions. It was the best that I’ve seen us handle a conversation like this. It got hard and real, but I listened because I really want to know what my wife is experiencing.
Part of the reason we began the conversation was because of a comment I made a week or so earlier. In previous conversations we had talked about wearing in public and around my family. The worry is always exposure, and I’ve found in the past year that I’m more accepting of myself and who I am. I have worn in public more, and I attribute that to being more comfortable in my own skin. I am owning diapers on a personal level. I understand the risk, concern, and the unforgiving nature of the world. I don’t wear often in public, but it does happen.
Because of these previous conversations and concerns I looked into purchasing a onesie in an effort to quiet the diapers and help reduce the risk of peeking. While doing some laundry I shared with my wife that I had purchased one to see how they were, and if they would help in the way mentioned above.
I didn’t anticipate her reaction that onesies were just “one more thing.” She explained that it felt like the hits just kept coming. We have made great progress, and I took those victories as a strong foundation together. I would then share something with her that I had been experiencing. I didn’t have her perspective that as soon as things felt like they were normalizing or flattening out that another thing would appear.
Once she shared with me her perspective it made all the sense in the world. I hadn’t thought of it that way, and was trying to protect and shield her by sharing things over a long period of time and with a slow cadence. While she was experiencing this mindset I was in a different place. I was worrying that me in diapers would slowly chip away at the foundation that we had together. That time after time it would slowly wear on her. My worries were somewhat validated, but in the wrong way. She has assured me that between us diapers are completely fine. My wearing around her doesn’t bother or concern her. She worries that my wearing in public or around our children will cause eventual exposure.
Her concerns are completely real, and I share them. I know there is a risk of my children discovering this part of me, and while I have a framework of what I might say it is definitely not a complete plan. It is something I continue to ponder on, and work to figure out. I mitigate these concerns with not wearing around them often, wearing cloth-backed diapers, and with new things like trying onesies.
We then talked some about the concept of control. I shared with her that I’ve talked with other ABDLs about not letting diapers control us and our lives. I work myself to not let the desire to wear control, dictate, or limit the other aspects of my life. Here I learned something new as well in relation to perspective. My wife and I had different concepts or ideas of what that line is.
Her version of that line was:
- Seeing me wear more than in the past. I think there are many facets to this because of the current state of the world. I am home much more often, and so are our children. Naturally if I am wearing diapers at any interval, them probability of them being home is high.
- Needing them to balance and destress and leveraging them in meetings where stress is high. I have never considered using them to balance myself and destress as a form of control, and something I will continue to help her understand. She felt during our conversation that needing them to relax or destress was a form of control. She later made a comment about massages that I want to bring back to help her possibly make a connection with my relationship with diapers.
My line of control focuses on:
- Not letting them limit the other parts of my life (professional, social, religious, family). This includes wearing 24/7. I do not want to wear them all the time, and our life is not conducive to that anyway.
- Fuller regression or Age Play. One of my biggest reasons to start the blog after I realized it was very therapeutic for me was to help create a healthy resource for other ABDLs looking for understanding, acceptance, and help with sharing with their loved ones. Any quick search of ABDL will take you down a rabbit hole of crotch shots with diapers, and Adult Babies who are more fully emulating regression in their public lives. I do not wish to live any form of public Adult Baby life. I wear diapers in public, but not publicly.
In a very meaningful moment she told me that we can either share it, or you will do it and hide it from me. I don’t want to hide it from her, and she doesn’t want me to either. We share the burden together. I hid diapers from her for years. I was hiding decades of shame and misunderstanding about myself. I was hiding the chance of her resenting me. I was hiding so much, but I do not regret how my personal journey has been. We have both said that when I brought diapers into our lives together was the right time because we had established ourselves as a couple. We had a great foundation and line of communication. Sharing diapers with your spouse should never be done if there are other relationship concerns present. If there are, work on fixing those first so diapers are combined with other martial concerns.
Likely, there will be “one more thing.” I continue to learn about myself and diapers, and we evolve as people as we grow. Neither of us can say where we will be mentally and emotionally in the future (be it near or distant), but we know that we are in it together. She has shown me her strength in loving me. Loving all of me. She knows my “big three” and still looks at me with love and affection. While there will likely always be one more diaper thing as we continue our lives together I will work to always make “one more thing” to show her my love for her. I will continue to deepen our relationship together in all the other aspects of our life together.