In the past few months my wife and I have taken a bit of a turn with diapers. We are not having direct, drawn out conversations about diapers. Those conversations that I am looking for where I can further understand myself cause large amounts of stress on her. Since the last time that we really talked, the main point that we called out was when the gaps occur that things begin to get bad because we are not communicating. Something happens and it doesn’t get discussed, and begins to run one of us the wrong way. It would go long enough that I would begin to feel the tension and blame myself and diapers. They were to blame, but it was because we weren’t talking that caused the main problem. We committed to not let things get stagnant as we progressed.
Another commitment was my wife decided to email a spouse of another ABDL to seek further understanding and community on her end of things. I am very, very nervous about the outcome of that. I absolutely want the best for her, and for her to gain understanding and perspective about what I am dealing with, but every couples situation is different, and I don’t want that to cause damage to the growth we have experienced these past months.
“Are you okay?”
The last few times that I have worn my wife has asked me if I am okay or if everything is alright. We recently talked, and she told me this is her way to trying to further understand why I’m wearing them. If she sees me in one, or putting one on she tries to find out the reason behind my “why.” She typically will just ask if I’m okay, or everything is okay. I appreciate her reaching out and attempt to better understand me, as I continue to also understand myself.
The more we understand ourselves, and our connection with diapers, the better we will be able to manage it in our own lives and in our relationships with others. Open, honest communication with myself and my spouse, coupled with being humble enough to accept and embrace things about myself have really shaped me in the last year.
In doing so I’m learning that I’m big enough to be little. I can allow diapers to be a tool for the better good in my life. My need/affinity for them has changed, even in the last year. Like any tool, it is better when we sharpen it, maintain it, and use it. We must continue to evaluate ourselves, and how diapers help and hinder our progress.