My wife has asked me on a number of occasions where we are headed with diapers, or if there is some ultimate goal that I have. I have told her multiple times that I do not have a specific endpoint in mind. My goal, my ultimate view of success, is that we are happy together. I am learning how diapers can be an effective and healthy tool in my overall well-being, and having them in my tool belt, I believe, can help me lead a happier life.
While I do not have specific milestones and associated timelines set up for my wife and I to accomplish (specific events that would occur regarding diapers) I only hope for our continual love and happiness to grow. Where diapers find their place in that, is still left to be seen. We continue to take baby steps, and my wife continues to learn and grow with me. Through each one of our experiences, we will find our new milestones, and our new place in our journey together. Some of these experiences are more painful than others, but they all help mold and form us. My hope is that we both can keep the perspective of a stronger, healthier relationship together.
Perhaps a lesson learned for other littles out there would be that there are things that I have shared with my wife that I would love to experience with her, but my timing and delivery was way off. In our earliest conversations we spoke in the moment, and while it was not intentionally malicious or painful we did not have the luxury of preparation and planning before we talked about it. I had obviously thought about sharing this part of me with my wife, but even the best laid plans do not survive first contact with the enemy.
I realized that some of the things that I shared with her set a bar of acceptance in her mind where she immediately began to rate herself, and her comfort level, against those conversation points. I certainly did not mean to set unrealistic expectations or unreachable goals because the last thing I want my wife to feel is failure during this journey together. Repeatedly during our conversations so far she has shared with me feelings that she must meet a certain mark, by a certain date, or she will be failing. Our continual love and strength as a couple is the only success factor that I truly care about, and I now have to work to help her realize that. It is hard admitting I didn’t approach something the right way, but the sooner I can do that and course correct the easier it will be for us to navigate diapers together.
Each experience helps us gain trust in each other, and further establishes the foundation of trust with each other regarding diapers. We both have work to do, and we need each other and time to accomplish it. We started things out in a sprint fashion because of how the conversations initially started, but I feel like we are adjusting in a way that has slowed our pace to a more manageable place.
Littles, you must be vulnerable and in a place to realize that there is no way to relate how your brain thinks about diapers and our affinity for them to a non-ABDL initially. It will take time and experience for them to realize and learn who we are with diapers. Our brains have that connection and understanding, but that is not something that can be easily conveyed. Remember Baby Steps and small, consumable conversations where there is a stopping point with action on the part of both parties. Be ever cognizant of each other’s emotions, and as a little (or diaper lover or adult baby or whatever you currently consider yourself) look for emotional connections that your partner has with an object or experience that you can draw from in an effort to help them understand the connection you have to the transformational object/s that help you feel little or bring you to the place that diapers enable. Helping them have some baseline of an emotional comparison will help them to understand some of the reasoning behind “why” you wear. It will not be perfect, nor a 100% apples to apples comparison, but when I finally discovered something I could relate to my wife I believe I saw a light turn on in her head. I have even made a more conscious effort to help those things occur in her life.
After all, if I like how diapers make me feel, wouldn’t I want my wife to be able to have those same kinds of feelings as often as possible? There is a power in taking care of each other on many different levels, and bringing an emotional connection or bond between the two of you will help strengthen understanding as you discuss this often awkward and uncomfortable conversation.
Remember, find the right pace and keep your purpose in perspective. Don’t get caught up in the small things and lose sight of the ultimate goal of a happy and healthy marriage. Remember that “Talking is not trying.” I have to SHOW her through my actions how special she is, and how much I love her.