We find solace in the most interesting places. Answers come if you are looking for them, and have a heart open to it. This wasn’t a direct answer to anything that I had been searching for, but it was a moment where I felt like I connected with another experience, albeit fictitious. These moments or tender mercies help us find balance and help in the moments when things seem out of control. Similar to how many of us find balance in wearing diapers. They bring us out of the craziness of the moment, and help us keep on adulting. Onto the book..
Cinder, by Marissa Meyer is the beginning of a book series recommended to me by a fellow ABDL. It is a reimagining of the Fairy Tales we grew up with, but set in a futuristic timeline where the world has experienced four World Wars, and there are a civilization of people living on the Moon. There are a few things I like about the series so far after finishing the first book. I listened to some of the book while my kids were in the car, and the author wrote the book clean of vulgarity. They were able to listen, and I didn’t have to worry about it being inappropriate for them. Two of them got into it, and one of them even wants to read the book from the beginning.
The story has some fun parallels that come back to the original version of the Fairy Tale. The part that connected with me happened at the end of the book where Cinder was at the ball, speaking with the Prince.
It begins with the emotion that many of us experience before and after telling someone else about our little side or affinity for diapers. Many times we want to take back what was said, getting our secret back inside. The comment and story we tell isn’t something that can be hidden again after it is out. That reason is partly why choose to hold the secret inside for years and years. Even after we gain a better understanding about it, we still tend to be ashamed and leery that ANYONE could ever understand us, or have compassion for our situation.
The initial reaction that comes from our loved ones can vary wildly. We get asked about why it took so long, or why we didn’t share it, and our answer is often something to the effect of “I didn’t know how.” Even when we think we are ready, it seldom still comes out the way had it in our head. Vocalizing our aberrant behavior changes things. I know when I got it out the first time I realized how much I didn’t know, or what I thought I knew came out in a different way. We have so much to learn, and it truly can’t be done alone.
The final portion of this interaction relates to the moment after we stop talking. We have shared something we never thought would be verbalized. Something, at times, that we truly don’t understand ourselves. We all hope for the reaction in some fashion as Cinder received. I repulsed myself so much early on with diapers that I didn’t know how anyone else could accept it or embrace me after they knew. We hope our loved one does not pull away, that they do not grimace. We rack ourselves with the torment of this burden alone that we yearn for the companion that says, “Why didn’t you share this with me earlier? I would have understood.”
No matter what side of this story or dance that you are on, be kind, be honest, and be open. Being vulnerable is one of the hardest things for littles to overcome, and in the moment we do we balance on a thin line or jubilation or regret. It is not an easy thing to accept whole-heartedly on day one, but please be aware of the place your partner is in. This is not an easy, or comfortable place for either party.