A parallel in acceptance and incorporation into my life
For as long as I can remember I have suffered with this. There hasn’t been a time in my life that I felt free of the pain and struggle that comes with it. It comes out of nowhere, without explainable (to me) origin, and can plague me for the whole day. It consumes my mind, and affects my overall mental state.
At times I am able to use certain learned techniques and tactics to help me reduce the impact of it on my life. Sometimes, and entire day is changed because of its effect. My best laid plans are pushed aside by its presence.
Sound familiar? I know right…but it’s not what you think.
I suffer from migraines. I have one right now actually, and I felt it appropriate to try and write down this parallel while experiencing one.
Like I said, since I was young I have experienced or suffered from migraines and the effects that they bring into my life. Multiple aspects of my life are impacted when I have one. My profession is very cerebral in nature, and when I cannot think or look at a screen, I am severely incapacitated. My critical thinking skills are impaired, and auditory and visual stimuli exacerbate the pain I experience.
Throughout my life I have learned ways to cope and manage the impact that migraines have in my life. While I still do not know the trigger of my migraines (I wake up with them) I have found various techniques that bring varying levels of relief, and sometimes complete removal, from the internal agony that persists with a migraine.
I have also learned to function with them in a daily fashion. Some migraines are worse than others, but here I am sitting in church trying to continue a normal day with my littles. A decade or so ago I internally decided that I could not allow migraines to completely control my life. While some are debilitating, I can control and manage others. Even something as simple as caffeine or sunglasses can help make them more bearable.
So, why am I talking about migraines on a diaper blog? (This post came to life after I wrote and posted “Stress Management, a form of pacification” and received a comment from another ABDL asking more about that experience.)
Because I recently had the personal revelation that I could interchange the word migraine for diaper in the paragraphs above and it would carry a lot of same meaning and impact to me.
I have never known life without the connection and affinity of diapers. They have been part of me as long as I can recall. The urge to wear does not always come at a time of my choosing. Sometimes I wake up with the desire, and it can have varying impacts on my day. I have learned over time to control and limit their ability to decapitate me in my ability to live a happy and healthy life.
I have learned through this personal revelation that I have overcome, in large part, a struggle very similar (if not worse in impact) a looming obstacle that seemed impossible to overcome. Something so daunting that I didn’t know how I could live or function with them. There are still times that I have a migraine that will literally put me in a dark, quiet room for a day or two, but I work hard to limit that isolation from the rest of my life. There is too much life to live to be locked up in a room.
That being said, I know that I do not choose completely when I get a migraine, but when I do get one I get to choose how I will react to the impact it will have on my life. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose, but the key is that I keep trying. I will not let migraines, or diapers, take hold of my life in a way that I cannot be my best self.
I have also learned that there is a power in positive means of prevention. There are things I can do that will limit, minimize, or prevent a migraine from occurring. Healthy eating, exercise, and appropriate amounts of sleep are all things will all help me control the frequency them affecting me. I’ve also found that means of stress reduction towards the end of the day will help me wake up migraine-free as well.
Similar concepts can be applied to my life with diapers. I have talked with some Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers that have very regimented schedules relating to their diaper wearing. They see the act of wearing as a preventative measure because of the balance and leveling it provides to them. They remove the roller coaster of emotion and urge by placed a space and time where they can wear and then step out of that to be a happier and healthier person to themselves, their spouses, and their family. Most of us that has been coping, dealing, understanding, accepting, or incorporating diapers into our lives does this in some form or fashion.
Only you truly know yourself, and only you can hold yourself accountable at the end of the day. Our intent and desires guide us in life. I will not be able to escape some of the migraines in my life, but I will continue to try. If we persistent, we will improve little win by little win.
“That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.”Ralph Waldo Emerson