Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Littles, or whatever we call ourselves often are very vulnerable to comments and criticisms. We are all too hard on ourselves for a large part of our lives that when it comes from external sources we can struggle. Building up the courage to share who we are with someone else is a journey all on it’s own, and to have that coupled with criticism and/or rejection can be difficult.
On twitter an ABDL posted a small message about his best friend. I don’t reply often, but felt like I should chime in with a response because I can feel for what he is experiencing in my own life. A spouse of another ABDL then chimed in with an additional comment that I think also provides some insight into what was being said.
ABDL: “When your best friend says he doesn’t care if I wear diapers etc. But calls it disgusting makes me kinda sad”
Me: “Part of being a best friend also means you are able to be honest with each other. The best friend part is the ability to say that and hear that and still be friends. I don’t absolutely LOVE every comment my wife makes about diapers, but I know she loves ME. She is my best.”
Spouse of another ABDL: “and there is the difference. tolerance AND acceptance. Without both, it is fake.”
I can relate to the original tweet above because I have similar comments that come from my wife. She is working, trying, and sometimes struggling to understand me and diapers. At times she will vocalize her destain or lack of understanding for part of wearing diapers to me. It hurts, and is always hard to hear, but I know that she is trying to be completely open and honest with me. I try to hear everything she is saying and not let it completely take me down. I have to be able to hear what she is saying because she was willing to share it.
That two-way trust and willingness to be vulnerable with your best friend is what truly makes those relationships “the best.” I have to be able to hear hard things as much as I want to share hard things with her. Because we are able to navigate these conversations (better and better each time we do) we have the opportunity to become stronger as a couple. We are not perfect, and I’m sure I say the wrong thing too often. I have to apologize and tell her sorry, and it isn’t always easy to do so.
This only happens because we are BEST FRIENDS. We have built a foundation of trust that we are able to leverage when the storms of life come our way. Another analogy is calling it a bank account that you deposit into and withdraw from. We build up trust, love, and communication so when one of us is struggling we have a mountain of experiences and emotions to leverage when they are needed. I know that I have been both depositing and withdrawing from that bank account this year. It has been taxing on both of us, but it makes me smile seeing the power behind our relationship.
The same concept exists for non-marital friendships. We have to realize that our friends are humans who make mistakes, take things out of context, and have their own opinions. We can feel the true friendships because, as the spouse of another ABDL said, we see/feel acceptance and tolerance. Those two things are not easy for the giver. For my wife, accepting and understanding that I want to wear a diaper is only part of the journey. She will hear a crinkle, see a diaper, and know that I am wearing one. That is where tolerance comes in. She works to continue to become comfortable and “okay” with me wearing, and I appreciate each and every attempt she makes. Each experience is getting better, and she is recognizing when and why I wear. Seeing her try means the world to me.
Again, it is NOT easy for either party. When we feel uncomfortable or wronged in some way we can harbor unpleasant feelings. That is where forgiveness becomes a vital part of a best friendship.
While studying Mosiah 26:29 for our Heart to Heart class I focused on forgiving and also being able to forgive.
29 Therefore I say unto you, Go; and whosoever transgresseth against me, him shall ye judge according to the sins which he has committed; and if he confess his sins before thee and me, and repenteth in the sincerity of his heart, him shall ye forgive, and I will forgive him also.
Almost immediately after reading this verse my mind turned to Doctrine & Covenants 64:9-10 where it talks about our need to able to forgive all men (Everyone!).
We must forgive others, even our best friends, of their mistakes. If we cannot then we hold the greater sin.
When we sin, or are wronged, our pride often gets in our way when we consider confessing or asking forgiveness from those we have wronged (and our religious leaders when necessary). It is humility and sincerity of heart that must step in and help us. It is never easy for us to admit our faults, but can be conditioned to be a little easier the more we are willing to do it. It will always be hard, but that first step can become a little easier each time we decide to take it.
Think about being on the receiving side of this interaction as well. How do we allow others to repent? Are we willing to accept what they are saying or do we try to make it as hard as possible on them? We must realize that we are hindering the healing and repentance process when we are not willing to forgive our neighbor of their trespass.
When we know something has happened – We have often been stirring this up in our minds since the event occurred, and may be in need of forgiveness ourselves at this point. We must condition ourselves to be willing to accept that others are not perfect (just like us!). There is no room for a “holier than thou” mentality in our lives!
When we don’t know something has happened – Sometimes we are not aware that something has been done wrong against us. I believe this is often the better place for us to forgive because we have not been stewing about it since it happened. We can also become offended quickly as we feel wronged for the first time.
In either moment, we must choose. The power is in our hands how we will choose to react to the situation we are in. Just as the ABDL in the tweet feels sad about how his best friends spoke to him, he must now choose how to react to the situation. Will be communicate and forgive? Perhaps this friend doesn’t realize the impact of their words. If they are truly best friends the only way to truly know is the leverage the bank account of trust and talk about it. It will not be easy, but will be worth it in the long-term perspective of their relationship. We need friends that are with us in the good times and the bad.