Our Masks

We all wear masks, not most of the time it is not on Halloween.  These masks let us hide a portion of ourselves from the world. A part of ourselves that we are not vulnerable enough to expose to others around us.  This does not mean that being a little is either all or nothing, but finding the balance and personal cognizance to be not only our best selves, but also allowing the healthiest version of our little self to be present in our lives.  Whether you are a Diaper Lover or an Adult Baby we must find this balance, even if you do not consider yourself “little.” The effect that diapers have on us evokes emotions and feelings to each and everyone of us. If not, most if not all of us, would probably have a different preference of underwear.

We choose to wear a mask in an effort to protect ourselves, but are we hurting ourselves in doing so?

Many ABDLs want to be able to feel like “themselves” in public or around loved ones.  This can take many forms from something as subtle as a laptop sticker that has meaning only a few people know to dressing the entire part while out in public.  Diaper Lovers and Adult Babies will be at various places on this spectrum, and so there is no one way to have the conversation where it makes sense for each and everyone one of us, I believe, outside of the desire for us to be able to be ourselves around others.  It takes us years, and often decades, to wander alone inside our own heads about this urge/desire/call to wear a diaper and/or bring back a part of us that feels little. No one wants to feel broken, and we all want to be loved.  It is that urge that often brings us outside the shielded walls and masks that we have created.

Taking one or many of our masks off occurs in a few ways.  First, we are standing in front of the metaphorical mirror where we have to remove the mask that we have worn to protect ourselves from yourself.  That mask that shields us from the shame that rushes over us at times while we are wearing, or wanting to wear. I have looked down or in a mirror more than once, and wanted to crawl inside myself because of what I am.  We must first take that Baby Step, of finding a way to become okay with the person we are inside.  The road we take varies, and is as unique as each of us.

Once we have removed one, some, or all of our masks in front of ourselves and we are able to accept, embrace, and begin to understand we often reach out for the connection of a loved one.  This step in the dark, for me, was one of the most daunting and intense moments of my life while it was done in a moment when I felt unparalleled trust with my wife. We had just participated together in something that was new, bonding, and difficult.  We had connected in a new way, and during our long drive home there was a space where I revealed one of what I call my “big three” to her. This share was NOT about diapers, but something entirely different. It was after sharing that with here, and 100 or so miles farther down the road that I told her that I wanted to share one more thing with her, and I would have nothing else that I was hiding from her.  It was in that moment that I mustered the courage to say something as simple as “I like to wear diapers.”  Something that I had never localized verbally at any time in my life.

After that, there was no grand gesture or conversation that occurred.  We actually were stopped on the interstate by a vehicle accident that put us parked on a 75 MPH highway for over an hour.  It wasn’t overly awkward, but we did not discuss it further. From that conversation I gained the confidence inside that I began to learn more about what I was feeling.  I purchased my first ABDL diapers, and continued to learn about myself. This continued for another four years before my wife and I discussed it again. Littles, you must be in it for the long haul and have patience if you expect or want the same from your spouse.  It is a marathon, not a sprint.

During this time I realized that I enjoy wearing onsie pajamas, as they make me feel little and comfortable in that space.  This became one of the ways that I’ve been able to wear a mask in public while smiling and being myself on the inside. I am not projecting or overtly pushing anything ABDL onto anyone, but I feel more accepting of myself as I do it while enjoying the calming and balancing benefits that I experience as I am able to be in my little space (even years before I began to correlate what was happening).

Our masks are self imposed forms of protection, but can become large hindrances in our progress and we find a way to be our best selves.  That best self, by the way, can include you wearing a diaper. Once we are able to find that out it can and will change things in your life.  Again, everybody’s path and circumstances are different, but I have found that they are part of who I am, and I am now working on finding their place in my own life and my life with my wife.

Enjoy your masks littles, but don’t let them limit or hinder you.  

Find you, and be you!

Photo by fotografierende from Pexels

3 thoughts on “Our Masks

  1. Thank you for sharing. I’d say I’ve worn many masks in my life– the principle one being of the “macho man”, as I felt the need to counter the childish desire to wear diapers. I felt using any baby-talk at all ( blankey, tummy, potty) was like publicly revealing  my inner desires, to the point that I began to hate it. And for the longest time I struggled to simply say “potty” while training my kid. 

    The part concerning the sprint vs the marathon rings true for me as well.

    In a past conversation with her, I discovered that it wasn’t strictly the possible addiction side of it that distressed her, but the actual wearing itself, and that she wouldn’t be able to handle it, that our marriage would suffer because of it.
    This struck me very hard, because I felt she was rejecting a part of me personally. Although I knew the dangers of the internet content and agree whole heartedly with her on staying well away from it, the core desire to wear diapers, however, had been there from the beginning– simply as innocent fun and a comforter long before anything else.

    I began to feel uncomfortable talking about it with her. And since it often made her feel uncomfortable as well, I felt it would be doing her a favor by not discussing my DL side with her, and simply let her read my blog comments if she felt inclined to do so.

    The other night however, she explained that her past reaction had been from being thrown so off guard, but that she wanted me to talk to her still. Just because she didn’t understand my DL side didn’t mean she didn’t love and want to know every part of me. The more I talk  to her about it, the more she can keep trying to understand it. It may take years for her to ever accept it and allow me to wear diapers, however sparingly, but she just didn’t like me feeling I needed to hide any part of myself from her.

    I’m so grateful for my wife’s endurance. We have made leaps and bounds in this area, and as she works to understand all of me, I feel we are growing ever closer.

    Like

  2. How awesome that age still wants to have conversations, even though it is uncomfortable. That’s love, and she wants to know all of you.

    Keep it up, and high five your wife for being so awesome!

    Like

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