While replying to an email to another ABDL blogger (recoveringdl) I brought up the point about perhaps keeping a journal of sorts so I could track how often I wear. We had been discussing frequency of wearing, and the differences of having a set schedule of when to wear and wearing when you “need” or want to. My initial thought was just a pocket calendar or small notebook that I would keep with my diapers to track a bit of the frequency of wearing, but then after replying to the email I put a bit more thought into it, and typed out the last few times that I had worn while the emotions were fresh in my head.
I think this reply was appropriately timed as I had a discussion with my wife last night about why I had chosen to wear that day. It was interesting to gain her perspective as she looked at one facet of my life and based wearing solely on that one thing. In the past weeks we have discussed the foundations and pillars of our lives, and how each of those can vary in rigidity and strength depending on internal and external factors. Those pillars are, but not limited to:
- My relationship with my wife
- My relationship with my children
- My primary career, and how I’m feeling about it
- My secondary work, consulting, and the associated stresses brings
- My faith and interactions with Church, both my calling and personal conviction
- My work with local groups, organizations, and nonprofits
- My ability to make/take time for myself (self-care)
I feel these are lined up pretty well as how I’ve been prioritizing them in my mind lately. Perhaps based on frequency of interaction or the amount of attention that I’m giving each area. While making the list I wanted to raise My faith and interactions with Church, both my calling and personal conviction higher on the list, but feel the natural flow of how I typed the list was somewhat telling of where my present focus is. I care deeply about my faith and the blessings and benefits that Church provides my family, and this is likely a call to action for me to provide additional focus in that area for myself.
Back to the conversation with my wife. She had asked why I felt like I needed to wear a diaper yesterday when the first pillar, My relationship with my wife, had been great the last week or so. (We had seen a bump in our natural and spontaneous interactions together, and it felt good to just be on the same page.) I had to explain to her that there are many drivers that lead me to want to wear a diaper (least often is it associated with My relationship with my wife). I hope she understood that I wasn’t wearing a diaper because of her, but because of many other things that have been present in my life.
I am a tad nervous to follow up on this conversation, but I want to make sure that she understands that she is not the primary reason (or secondary or tertiary for that matter) why I wear diapers. I don’t want her wearing that burden on her shoulders. I’m the one wearing diapers, this is my burden to bear, yet she takes so much on herself as well.
Through a journal (very different from my normal journal that I keep) I am going to track the following in an effort to better understand the triggers around my decision/desire to wear a diaper. Perhaps this will help me direct future conversations with my wife behind why I am wearing.
- Number of diapers worn
- Reason or emotional stimulus I believe brought me to wear
- Actions taken or the experience around wearing
I believe the better data I gather when I wear will help me discover a pattern or possibly insight into my little side, and the triggers why I wear. I typically feel they are stress or event related, and through the data I will be able to see how often I’ve been wearing and if there are some common themes that bring me to diapers. Perhaps it can help shape me in removing some things out of my life that bring undue stress and burden to my life.