In a life with littles, we seldom find time for ourselves. There isn’t five minutes that go by that one of them doesn’t turn into Sherlock Holmes and begin tracking us down. For parents of children, I’m sure you can relate. My wife and I constantly discuss how we will continue to date, and build our own relationship that doesn’t lean on one or all of our children. This is hard, as we have so many irons in the fire.
Some of those irons in my life have been very stressful lately. Adding the conversations about diapers with my wife has my internal communication pointing all over for the origin of the stressors. I think diapers are an easy target, because they don’t fight back and are an internal struggle only to myself. With that in mind, I had taken a break from diapers for about three weeks. I had actually avoided them. I didn’t want to make my wife uncomfortable in any way, and I wanted us to feel our normal relationship come back. Again, I don’t think that diapers were the main concern, but it was one of the first things I pointed to. Possibly because it was something that I could completely control, and so I removed them from view for a few weeks.
In that time, amidst many other small changes, things in general got better. A few days ago, I had made the decision to wear to a meeting and then while I was getting some work done. It didn’t come in a huge moment of stress, and it had not been wearing me down. I didn’t feel burdened by the decision to wear diapers, and I needed to remember that I was stronger than diapers. They can help me, and I do not want them to control me. I feel and hope that they can be a healthy part of my life, but I do not want to ever place them in front of a decision that would take me away from the things that matter most in my life. Choosing diapers over my family does not feel like an option to me.
(I’m working on that balance because I know that I can be a more balanced individual when I do get to wear, so I have to prioritize and make choices that make sense where I’m not taking myself away from my family, but being the best version of myself when I am with them. Adulting is HARD!)
Deciding to wear brought a sense of levelheadedness that I needed when trying to balance about four different customers at the same time. They all needed my attention, and I was able to dial things in and focus on each of them with enough attention to begin resolving their concerns. Time flew by, the kids all worked hard on their own chores, we had a great morning. My wife had been working that morning, and was returning around lunch time. She got home, and everyone was happy. I continued to work, and the house was very happy and productive.
She then came to our office areas, and began working a bit herself and talking about the work that she had been doing that morning. We were able to share some great time together in the midst of work and kids buzzing around from chore to chore. I felt that smile, that warmth, that love that I have for my wife. It hadn’t gone away, but it made itself known in a huge way during that conversation. We decided to take advantage of the busyness of the house, and see if we could sneak in five minutes of time for ourselves.
She hadn’t realized that I was wearing, but when she did reacted in a slightly apprehensive but open and brave manner. I appreciate that she was able to voice her concerns and thoughts honestly, and we are able to communicate through them. She worries that she isn’t making progress, but I assure her that I feel like we are making leaps and bounds.
Somewhat pumping herself up, she made a fun/silly comment to me in a signal to proceed and continue. In that moment, for the first time, I stood in front of my wife wearing a diaper. She has some reservations still, but I know that she saw me and she acknowledged so. She saw the ABDL print of the diaper, and me in it. We talked a bit more, and it was another experience where we were able to strengthen that foundation that we constantly discuss. She expressed how she was feeling, and at the same time I expressed how exposed I felt standing in front of her, owning that part of my for her in a new way. Connection, love, happiness.
A side concern that I have had for a while was wearing printed-style diapers. I have read this being a concern with other couples, and I worried a litle bit about my own situation. I brought it up afterwards, because we try hard to be open, clear, and concise with our communication and it was a non-issue. She even knew that diapers like that existed and gave me an example of them. My mind was at ease in that small part of our journey. Removing ambiguity helps me know with little to no doubt where we are together. Presenting something as trivial as a printed diaper in a way that we can discuss it helps us both know where we are. She now knows that I wear them, and I am not afraid to be seen in them. Another Baby Step has been taken today in our relationship. Again I must say, my wife is an amazing woman!
I feel loved and accepted by her in new ways, and that has only deepened our relationship. I feel while every journey is a little different, that we have found a cadence that has worked for us. We love, and trust each other, and that foundation has been one of the most vital keys to our success.