I want diapers, but I don’t want to want diapers.

While emailing back and forth with another Diaper Lover I made a comment that he pointed out. “I want diapers, but I don’t want to want diapers.”

It is that internal battle that racks so many of us as we grow up, often siloed to ourselves, trying to figure this out.  Why would anyone want to wear diapers?! We do, and it always isn’t easy to explain, describe, or understand. As a father I have a hard time time when my children tell me “I don’t know” as the reason they do or don’t want to do something.  I find myself at times telling myself and my wife that. Growing up with the desire for diapers I would internally shame myself OFTEN, and when I would ask myself why I wanted to do what I was doing. The answer that would come would be “I don’t know.”  I had no logical reason or origin for the reason and desire to wear. I just have always wanted to wear diapers.

This conversation has gotten more complicated the older I get, as I continue to search for meaning behind being padded.  Today, I sit here in my second diaper of the day wondering why I smile because of it. Life would be simpler, it would be a bit easier if I didn’t want to wear them.  Some people don’t have the luxury of choice, so I should consider myself fortunate to be able to make the choice when to wear.

To wish for the removal of trial is the easy way out though.  Humans often look for the escape or the easy way out. While some individuals may find that they can completely remove diapers and their little side from their life there are others, myself included, that have tried over and over again to do so.  I find I must embrace, accept, and empower myself to be a better version of myself while wearing diapers and have a little side. Balancing the adult side of myself with the little that occasionally wants to come out and play.

I don’t wish that I wanted to wear diapers, but I do.  I want to wear them, and understanding and accepting that has to be a part of who I am.  It is part of who we are as Adult Babies, as Diaper Lovers, and as Littles. We are all at a different place on our journey for acceptance and incorporation.  Wherever you are today, I hope the best to you in your journey. We can do it! It will not be easy, as each and everyone of us know.

Learn to be okay with the fact that you want to wear diapers, even when you wish you didn’t.

I want to offer my hand of help to those who may need it. To those who are stumbling around in the dark as I have before.  Whether you are on my side of the diaper and trying to understand it, or you are a loved one, friend, or spouse to an ABDL please know that you can reach out.  Our community wants to help, and there are many voices here that have already helped me. Let me help, if I can, in your journey!

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

9 thoughts on “I want diapers, but I don’t want to want diapers.

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