The things you say that don’t come out of your mouth

My wife and I continue to work on communication.  It is a constantly evolving task that every couple continues to work with throughout their lives.  One of the pillars to a successful relationship, of any kind, is being able to properly communicate.  We have to establish baselines and understandings for how to properly communicate with an individual, and then the best method to approach various topics.  This also extends into the professional realm to those of us that either manage people or have to constantly interact with other people and groups.

I continue to develop ways to communicate with many of my co-workers, and shockingly enough there is not a cookie cutter approach.  There are broad strokes that should be leveraged, but each and every one of us hears, interprets, and digests information differently.  Because of that we must consciously think about how we prepare the information we are trying to convey and package it in a way that it will be properly received.  

93% of all communication is NON-VERBAL.

  • 7% – The words you say
  • 38% – How you said those words
  • 55% – What your body was conveying

Almost all of what we communicate does not come out of our mouths.  How we present ourselves, and the way we give the information is 93% of what the other party receives.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude”

John C. Maxwell

Have you ever met someone, and you already had made a handful of assumptions about them before you even heard a word come out of their mouth?  We all do it, and it happens in a number of seconds. That means it is vital for us to properly convey what we are trying to communicate as well as be ready to receive and actively listen.  We think so much, and work so hard on how we will communicate something to other people. We often neglect the other side of the coin, how we listen and interpret what is being given to us. How does diapers fit into all of this?  Why am I posting this in an Adult Baby blog?

This weekend I began to think about, “What is my diaper saying?”  Aside from the crinkle that brings a smile to me, what is my diaper saying or communicating to various other aspects of my life?

What does wearing a diaper communicate to my wife? This is the first question I asked myself as I have worked to become comfortable with myself around my wife.  She is still working to understand and accept it, but when she hears the crinkle what is she thinking? What does she think and do in response of knowing that I am wearing a diaper?  That question still gives me nerves as we work on this.  

What does wearing a diaper communicate to myself?  When I feel the need, urge, desire, or feeling to wearing a diaper, what am I telling myself?  I have on more than one occasion questioned myself as I was taping and powdering up. Wondering what I was doing.  Am I telling myself that I need to unwind? Am I telling myself that I need some time for me? The more I diaper up, the more I think that this is a part of me trying to let the rest of me know that I need something in that moment. 

What does wearing a diaper communicate to my little side?  When I diaper up I believe I might be telling my little side that it is okay to come out.  It is okay for my little side to take more of the reins and help me out. I believe that my little side is trying to help me, and I need to learn to understand that so I can let it.

What does wearing a diaper communicate to the public and others around me?  Our crinkle communicates, whether we want it to or mean it to.  Some of us are much more overt in public. Whatever level we publicly present ourselves, know that what we do affects others.  I think for the most part we overthink others hearing our crinkle or seeing a bit more padding, but we need to be aware and cognizant that our actions and appearance affect others around us.  An easy parallel to this can be a certain aroma that we can present when wearing in public. Be careful of the “smell” that we present to others because some might think it a tad stinky.

All-in-all, this was a great refresher for me about how much I say isn’t coming out of my mouth. It is how I talk, body language, and the emotions that I intertwine into my words. We say so much more, and we typically know it. We must be careful.

“They may forget what you said — but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
—Carl W. Buehner

One thought on “The things you say that don’t come out of your mouth

  1. Another great blog post. You raise some good questions.
    However, I realize that you are young, and you haven’t lived through what I have, and haven’t seen the things I have, but here is my honest response from my perspective.

    What do diapers communicate to your wife?

    Well, according to two therapists I was seeing back in the 90s to try to salvage my marriage and work through this need for diapers, they told me this: “Your diapers are the “other woman” in your marriage. Your wife see them as “competition” for her needs, affection, attention, and love. No, she doesn’t understand and she never will. In order to save your marriage, she needs 100% of you, not 70% or 80%.”

    That is what two therapists told me in the mid 1990s.

    What do diapers communicate to others? The the public?

    At best, you will be pitied, and thought of as less-than a whole person. They will assume, at best, that you are bladder and bowel incontinent and pity you having to wear diapers and go to the bathroom in your pants.

    At worst, they will see you as a “pervert” and “degenerate” who “gets off” on dressing like a baby. And because diapers are associated with small children, at worst, they will assume that you are wearing diapers as some part of a “scheme” or a plot to harm or molest small children. At no point will other adults see you as “normal” and the fact that you “want” to wear them, makes it all the more revolting for 99% of the public.

    That my friend, is my honest opinion, based upon 60 years of observing humanity and learning all I can learn.


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