In the last week I have been struggling with a number of aspects of my life. While I normally feel that diapers help center me and bring me some form of comfort and peace they only seemed to add to the stress. With all the breakthroughs and positive movement I’ve had with my wife in the past few weeks I still feel like bringing diapers out would cause friction. Perhaps this is all me, or perhaps I am just worried about adding one more thing to the list of things that are pressing down on me.
Because of that I have not worn for about a week in an effort to try and find the core of concerns that I am having and begin to work on these items. I feel like each of the pillars of my life all have parts of them being attacked. What has made this the most difficult is that when only one of them is out of whack, it is easier to bring that one thing back into compliance. When more than one of the pillars in our lives are off then we don’t have the same solid foundation to stand on. I feel constant pressure and hurt, and it has caused me to spiral. I turned to food for comfort, which just exacerbates the issues even further.
This came at a time that someone I have been talking to has been unavailable, and has made it even harder to try and rationalize and understand diapers and their place in my overall life. I have felt it coming from all angles, and it has disabled me as a person. I’m not effective, and it is showing in many forms.
Perhaps the week away from diapers was a good thing. I had a dream that was about diapers, and I can’t remember the last time that happened. It was VERY far fetched because of the other people in the dream. It was very simple in nature, but I felt emotion associated with wearing in the dream that really hit me hard. The comfort diapers bring came through in the dream. There were other feelings that came from other items that Adult Babies often leverage to help bring out their little side. The emotions felt so real. I could feel the soft, I could feel comfort. The interesting thing is that I’ve not had that experience in real life, so to have it come in a dream first was very interesting. I typically do not have that kind of connection with dreams. They occur, and I often know they are dreams, but I don’t find myself so engrossed in them and having associative feelings that keep me connected to the dream. I felt it so real that I woke up wanting to wear.
So here I am, wearing. Worried that wearing will cause some negative issue that will bring me back down. I have been digging myself out the last few days, and do feel more normal today. Is wearing a diaper helping me normalize? I feel like all I talk about is balance now, but that is what I have at the tip of my tongue.