It happened. The thought entered my mind again, but in a new way. Get rid of the things, because throwing something away is the best way to never think about it again. (not so much). The difference in this thought process, as opposed to my previous binge/purge thoughts, is that it surrounds the digital footprint that I have made online. My persona surrounding my desire to comprehend my little side and how to share that with my wife.
Like purging we feel shame and that we are somehow hurting ourselves, and I felt this morning that the things that I’ve written is going to hurt someone else. I don’t want to lead anyone down the wrong path, and if this isn’t right for me then why would I want to share it? I feel the parallel with the normal binge/purge cycle as I try to throw away diapers in an effort to get rid of it. Hopes that I will never want to do it again, but even if the diapers are not around I still have a desire to wear them. That desire, that feeling comes back. When it comes back it is typically in a binge fashion, where we overindulge. The overindulgence is when things are not healthy. We hurt ourselves in the imbalance of any part of our life. There can be “too much of a good thing” as we neglect the other aspects of our life that need our attention. If we are parents or a spouse, those other aspects of our lives are ever present and vocal when we allow things to fall out of balance. You must have a strong inner voice that is able to let you know when you and your little side need to have a heart to heart.
When the desire to binge/purge comes take the time to think through the reason for the emotion you are experiencing. There is a time, a space, between stimulus and response where we choose how we will respond. If you haven’t read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl is an amazing story from World War II where the author chronicles his experience while in a Nazi concentration camp. During his stay he realized that while we cannot always choose the situation or experience we find ourselves in, we can choose the way in which we respond.