It has been a roller coaster of emotions the last few days. There has been little balance or stability, and I have to find a way to get right. The issue is that there is more than one thing out of whack, and that has been exacerbating the issue. If this was just about diapers I think I would be able to manage it. It is diapers (and my trying to find a new balance with how it is part of my life), it is my professional life and all the aspects of how that affects me, it is my physical well-being and health, it is just being busy in general.
I wrote the title to this post early this morning, and then shut my phone off and put my laptop away. I began to focus on single tasks and triage some work that needed immediate attention. Just being able to accomplish a few tasks brought me out of the rut I was in. I think putting away my connection to the ABDL community was also healthy during that time. I was actually hesitant to get this device back out in fear of dragging myself back in. So far so good, but I realize now the validity in fears my wife has about becoming too consumed with it (with any one thing actually, moderation in all things)
We all must find what is healthy for each of us and our own lives. I fear that some too often become consumed with ABDL and diapers where it becomes a priority in decision making. My hope is that this never takes priority over family, professional, and spiritual decisions. It is not as easy as putting a device down all the time. My hope is that I keep things in perspective. Life is so much bigger than just ourselves, and I hope to not lose that. Diapers can have their place as long as they don’t take over. I know I will have my inner-voice and the voice of reasoning from my wife should things begin to go too far one way or the other.
When I try to purge or remove this completely from my life I appear broken or not whole. My wife notices it, but we’ve never confronted it as this because she only sees something amiss, and has never known to connect the dots to my little side or diapers. I’m gaining more insight in what I believe are imbalances, and how they could be related to my little side. I’m tiptoeing around it trying to figure it out, as it feels like an experiment with each time I’m experiencing these feelings.
This post feels more like an abstract, or disjointed thoughts. It hasn’t come together like some other things I’ve written. Perhaps because I don’t know the answer, aside from knowing there is an issue that I’m trying to resolve, and that there are more than one part of my life I need to get lined back up. Small, little things are most likely the best bet if I can keep it together and not let things overwhelm me.