During today’s lesson it was discussed Peter and his association with the number three. He was told that he would deny the Savior three times, and as much as he fought that internally it happened. It wasn’t until the third time that he truly didn’t feel the impact of what he was doing as well as it being a fulfillment to what Christ had told him would happen. The multiple occurrences helped ingrain in him the importance of the experience. We see this happen again after the Savior leaves his Church to the Apostles. The number three and repetition comes again and again to Peter and the early Saints of the Church. There are many things that we can take from these teachings, but what resonated with me was how we don’t always get things right the first time.
Growing up ABDL, we don’t understand ourselves. We search for meaning and understanding internally as we cope with feelings that seem to be foreign to everyone else around us. It feels very much like the Tree of Life, stumbling in the dark in search for meaning and light. It takes us more than one internal conversation or experience for us to begin to comprehend ourselves. Many, many of us have binged and purged only to have the urge/desire to wear and associate with out little selves come back again and again.
At some point we then and to share with someone else what we are feeling, partially for further understanding and partially for acceptance. That loved one varies from parents, friends, and significant others. It is the act of sharing that helps us grow so much in our own journey. For those of us that have shared our little side with someone else, how often does it go right the first time? In my experience, as much internal planning and preparation could not have prepared me for the first time that I actually uttered the words to my wife. Face-to-face, in person changed so much as I wanted to open and share.
“No plan survives first contact with the enemy: A piece of military wisdom, No plan of operations reaches with any certainty beyond the first encounter with the enemy’s main force.”Helmuth van Moltke, 1880
It is the same way with something like this. We can prepare all we want (and we should be prepared), but once we open our mouths we are at the mercy of the receiving party. At that point we must rely on ourselves, and the Spirit within us, to guide us in a joint effort between multiple parties. We must be ready to have multiple conversations, perhaps three or many more, as we work to understand, comprehend, incorporate, and integrate our little into our lives where it can be a happy and healthy part of our lives.
Every person, every couple, and every situation is different. My wife and I rely heavily on the power or prayer and our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to help guide us in the dark moments where we are both relying on our faith and growing our faith at the same time. We continue to take Baby Steps as we work to discover how diapers will be part of our life together. My wife is amazing, and has already made great strides, and we will continue to move forward, hand in hand, as we learn and grow together.
It will not be the first time that I get it right. Know that seldom can we master it on our first attempt. The reward is sticking with it. Keeping a hold to the Iron Rod, and maintaining on our course to the Tree of Life or Eternal Life.