I really feel like after about age 7 or 8 there was a long, dry spell in my relationship with diapers. Then I found myself at a Walmart. I remember these memories being at the same location, but perhaps they were not. I’m also not sure which of these events happened first, but I discovered Depend Sample Packs and Size (6?) Goodnites. I must have been a bit older, but that largest sized Pull-up would fit when I tried it on in the bathroom after getting one. Also, a number of years ago Depend offered Sample Packs that were a single diaper for purchase for $0.99 if I remember correctly. A dollar was the whole barrier to entry for me to be able to experiment and experience that itch in my brain that I didn’t understand but was driven to scratch.
I remember it being so hard to use them, but wanting to. I would get them on and then have to make myself go. Here I was fighting against two parts of my brain. One side telling me “we go potty in the toilet” and the other side wanting me to use the diaper that I was wearing. I have a number of these memories that occurred over the course of a few years, and I even remember in being brave enough to get dressed and go look in the mirror before taking it off, and returning to my family. Why and where did these urges come from? That question would come and go as I grew. Trying to find its source led to man emotionally stressful days of self-discovery.