I got to dance with my spouse over the weekend. That doesn’t get to happen as often as I’d like, and we enjoy it. We requested a very fast song and had a blast owning the whole dance floor for the entire dance. We were in the moment all to ourselves, with a gaggle of onlookers sitting at various tables around us. So many times in life, we must let go and be ourselves, our very best self. In that moment it was just her and I. We owned the crap out of that dance floor!
After the song ended we were greeted with an applause that I wasn’t expecting, but was very nice. Very shortly after we were told that someone in the back was mocking our dancing and had a few choice words to describe us. My elation, so quick lived, took a dive by the criticism of a single opinion.
Most of the time we have lots of people cheering us on, but we hear the one dissenting voice. (There are times, more than I’d like to admit, that I AM THAT VOICE. The world can be in our corner, but all I can hear is myself.) Self doubt and criticism fill our mind, no matter how loud others are cheering us on.
I would imagine we have all experienced this. It literally just sneaked up on me a few minutes ago and surprised me. Nothing triggered it that I can tell, and there wasn’t a huge stressful event to kick it off. I walked through a door, turned left, and WHAM! That little voice in my head, that feeling that makes you want to crawl inside yourself decided to make itself known. I don’t know why I expect to grow out of these feelings, because even now I still get them. Self-doubt, shame, whatever you want to call that monster will climb right back onto your back and start weighing you down.
When it happens, take your own version of a “time out for Twix.” If you pray, find a quiet place and pray. Get your head right, and find that center. Sometimes for me, that means padding up. It doesn’t always happen, and I’m not always in a place where I could even if I wanted to. Yesterday, there were a number of things all chained together over the course of about 15-20 minutes where I may have wanted to but it was not an option. I had to take a few seconds and get myself together.
Bottom line, when opposition comes, do not let it weigh you down. Find yourself, find your strength, and sojourn on. If you find strength in a diaper then you cling to that diaper, but I hope that you are able to find more tools for your tool belt. Diapers should be one facet of what makes you a strong little. I hope you all have a person who you know you can go to judgment free. We all need that person, that sounding board at times to just be there with us. I also very much hope that if you are married that person is your spouse, your bestest best friend. Opening up to them about somethings is not easy, and that monster can come right back. I’m fighting that monster now, with the help of my “family” and others around me. I promise you the fight is worth it, so keep it up, and keep dancing.